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Sunday, November 29, 2015

In that sacred space...

No matter how many years pass, in a split second, you can get pulled back into that space.  Sometimes you go willingly...you spur it on with a song or going to places once visited.  Sometimes you find it on the wind while watching the sunrise.  Sometimes you are sitting in a pub, watching soccer, and you overhear a conversation between siblings about their parent.  How to manage their care.  How to rearrange the furniture.  How to convert the downstairs bathroom to include railings.  How to add an extra railing in the stairwell.  How to add a ramp to the garage steps.  It all came rushing back during the time of year where it all still lingers.

Something happens in this space of time from late November until mid March...there is this thing that travels overhead and settles around.  Every year I think I am strong enough to not let it weigh into my being.  It is this sacred space that I shared with my Mom and Sister when we were caring for someone who was dying.  There was no time for wallowing.  There was no time for regret.  There was only time to be fully present and ready for whatever the next moment brought.  It was hard.  It was scary.  It was not without tears.  It was beautiful.

There was a moment last night when I stood by the water and I could feel it all.  The ebb and flow of everything.  The energy.  The sky was strewn with color.  Everyone we needed was around.  We toast.  We live.  We love.


Monday, October 12, 2015

Week 8: The last normal week?

Half Marathon with Friends!!
Week 8 of 20 is in the books.  My required long miles were extended by one so that my friends and I could do a half marathon on Saturday. It was the perfect day for it...and my motivation was undoing everything at the pub later while watching soccer.  I got to the gym every morning and did my 4 miles without fail.  This may be the last week that I will make that goal...at least the getting to the gym part.  It wasn't until today when I was re-reading my surgery forms that I realized, I am probably going to have to improvise on my morning routine.  I may not be able to get to the gym, but I will figure out how to still get my miles.  I'm starting to think about other things...like washing my hair and driving.  Do I really know what I am in for?  Can you really ever know before you really get there?  I have decided to keep rolling with it...take each thing as it comes...and keep moving forward.  Try not to think too far down the road.  Go moment to moment.  You know...do life the way you always should...no matter what you have to face.


Week 8 Data

Total Week 8 Steps:  117,530
Total Week 8 Miles:  52.61

Total Overall Training Steps:  852,141
Total Overall Training Miles:  375.72

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Week 7: Breadcrumbs...

Nope, this is not about carbs.  This is about the trail of goodness that you follow by searching for one thing that leads you to something even better.  One thing leads to another.  The getting of miles always feels good, but what feels even better is all of the music I'm discovering.  I love how my searches on Spotify lead to places that I could have never anticipated upon my first search.  On Sunday, I felt the need for some Henry Rollins.  Music and Spoken Word.  I searched Rollins Band first.  Liar.  Ghostrider. Then I searched for Henry Rollins and found a great song he did with Marcus Blake called Arrogant Girl.  And then...I found an incredible version of Lonesome, On'ry, and Mean that he did for a Waylon Jennings Tribute album...which was filled with fantastic interpretations.  Guy Clark's version of Good Hearted Woman.  Norah Jones's Wurlitzer Prize. All of this of course led to the rest of my 4 mile journey with Waylon Jennings with some Willie Nelson from time to time. This has been my motivation on those mornings when I would rather sleep.  I think about not having my time with my music...and I get some go.  I'm wondering if I should start to put together a playlist for my 26.2 miles.  I should probably figure out my route first...marked with breadcrumbs.

Week 7 Data

Total Week 7 Steps:  107,182
Total Week 7 Miles:  47.22

Total Overall Training Steps:  734,611
Total Overall Training Miles:  323.11

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Week 5 and 6: Just go with it...

Things get busy.  My gym was closed for a week.  Routines get thrown off kilter.  Two weeks go by...but the miles are still accumulating.  I made no excuses...I still hit every mark on my training plan.  I was also reminded that getting miles outside beats the treadmill every single time...so I need to work that into my week day mile getting....even if just a few days week.  There is something wonderful about walking, breathing in the cool, crisp fall air beneath the moon.  Change is good.  A reminder that you just need to go with it...

Week 5 - Saturday AM Walk with Friends...I needed 8 miles...we got 9 instead.

Week 5 Data

Total Week 5 Steps:  110,676
Total Week 5 Miles:  48.51

Total Overall Training Steps:  520,427
Total Overall Training Miles:  228.86


Week 6 - A solitary 10 miles on my favorite paths at the Soccer Plex.

Week 6 Data

Total Week 6 Steps:  107,002
Total Week 6 Miles:  47.03

Total Overall Training Steps:  627,429
Total Overall Training Miles:  275.89

Monday, September 14, 2015

Week 4 - Fear as Fuel

Retail Therapy - Earthy Vibes
Week 4 was something...but I got through it...by doing what I always do...keep smiling...keep moving forward...keep it in perspective.  Maybe I went shopping too...and got a new bracelet...natural wood beads...which felt grounding.  I needed grounding.  It worked.  

It was a tough work week but also a tough life week.  I have to preface that statement with the perspective thing...I am lucky to know amazing people who kick so much cancer ass it is ridiculous.  So part of what made me so upset this week was how upset I was about something.  Something I have always feared.  Surgery.  Surgery with anesthesia.  

I feared it because it will make me dependent on others.  I will have to ask for help.  I won't be able to manage my T1 diabetes...even if for just a day or two.  I have been doing it everyday for almost 28 years.  I don't ever want to be a burden.  I had accepted that surgery for my "frozen" shoulder was going to have to happen at some point.  What I wasn't prepared for was that doing it sooner rather than later would be necessary.  It through off my whole plan...I was going to get my 26 miles on January 2...and then have surgery shortly there after.  I know...plans...but I also know that everything happens in the right time, space sequence.  So a date has been set - - Friday, October 16th at 6:30 am.  I'll be home and in PT that same day.  I got this.     

The other thing I got is my miles...since I can walk no matter what is happening with my shoulder...I'm going to do my best to keep up with my training.  I may flip a week so that I can do 12 miles just before and only 6 miles the day after surgery.  I'll play it by ear...it will all work out...I got no worries.  

Week 4 Data

Total Week 4 Steps:  102,042
Total Week 4 Miles:  44.09


Total Overall Training Steps:  409,751
Total Overall Training Miles:  180.35

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Week 3 - Good Company

The X's are filling up on the training plan and I have yet to miss a day.  Every weekday morning I get to the gym and get 4 miles (10K steps) before my work day even begins.  Even with the longer walks on the weekends...this is still happening...so that feels really good.  For me, it is all about motivation.  For the past two weeks, I have been picking a different singer/band to listen to each morning while on the treadmill.  It is good company...music in my ears...my mind free to wander wherever it wants to go.  My morning zen.  I'm lucky to have it.

I am lucky to also have people company on some of my longer walks...this week MPB joined me for what was supposed to be 7 miles...but we made it 8.  Not many people would ask for your training schedule to see which dates they can join you.  She also knows that this time of year I have to look at my AM soccer watching schedule...because I might have to be at the pub.  I may need to find one that I can walk too.  Hmmmm....

Week 3 Data

Total Week 3 Steps:  111,180

Total Week 3 Miles:  49.43


Total Overall Training Steps:  307,709

Total Overall Training Miles:  136.26

Monday, September 7, 2015

What are your life bullet points...??

Prepare to be offended...or not.  There is no sense in sugar coating what you believe.  I spend a lot of time thinking about words.  What to say.  What not to say.  What to write.  What medium to write in.  I enjoy the swirling of words.  I love when they fall into place.  Great things happen when they fall into place and then you share them.  Sometimes it takes a long time.  Sometimes it doesn't.

I think words on lists are my most favorite.  Who doesn't love succinct bullet points to really get to the point?  Over the course of many years...I have developed many lists.  Things to do.  Things to buy.  Experiences to be had.  Moments to Capture.  Believe me, I know that the most fun in life comes from ignoring lists and allowing yourself to "just be".  But, there is comfort in writing things down, in case you want to remember or need a reference point.  Sometimes it helps to have a bit of documentation to help make both important and seemingly unimportant decisions.  Guideposts.

I have list of tenets that I have thought about for many years...and I finally took time to write them down.  My life bullet points.  How I choose to be.  It is a short list.  But a good one I think...good for me...and I guess that is all that matters.


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Week 2 - The Essentials

It feels wrong to say that I am in training because there is no intensity or stress in what I am doing.  I'm just ramping up the miles on Saturday so that I can easily do 26 in January.  It is easy breezy.  I'm having fun.  I'm generating more miles and steps each week...and for now...that is enough for me.  I'm adding in other things, like more mindful eating.  I focused this week on the essentials - carbs, hydration, and blood sugar.  For my six miles on Saturday, I did something I haven't ever done before.  I ate beforehand, monitored my blood sugar, and ate afterward as well. The fact that I took the time to deal with instead of ignore where my blood sugar was is important to note.  It showed me how much I have changed over the past few months.  I'm no longer ignoring my T1 diabetes.  I won't ever say that I am managing it, because I don't think you can.  I'm working with it.


Week 2 Data

Total Week 2 Steps:  112,053

Total Week 2 Miles:  50.20


Total Overall Training Steps:  196,529

Total Overall Training Miles:  86.86

Monday, August 24, 2015

Week 1 - My Own Little Marathon

A funny thing happened week before last while on an epic walk with my friend MPB...I had a genius idea.  Actually, walking with MPB is always insightful and many a genius idea has been had while on either a short or long trek.  She is one of those people who helps me with my life on a regular basis. On our last adventure, I got to talking about how we should aim to get to 13 miles on one of our jaunts.  And then I got to thinking...you know...I really love walking...and maybe...just maybe...I have another 26.2 miles in me.  So I decided that I would walk 26.2 miles after the first of the year...January 2, 2016 to be exact. I love winter.  I love walking.  I love January.  So why not?

I dusted off my marathon training plan...which is 20 weeks long...and last week started week 1.  I'm really only using the plan for the Saturday long walks...which progress from 5 miles to 20 miles.  I have a good solid plan for the week days...I get my 4 miles in every morning before I even get to work.  Saturdays will be for long distances.  Sundays...I can rest.  This is totally doable.

Week 1 Data

Total Week 1 Steps:  84,476
Total Week 1 Miles:  36.66

Total Overall Training Steps:  84,476
Total Overall Training Miles:  36.66

Ready, Steady, Go...

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Cape May Musing...



Early Morning.  Thunderstorms Rolling.  Windows Open.  Oceans Churning.  Raindrops Falling.  World Turning.

Pen and Paper.  Everything I need.  Just listening to the ocean.  I always wanted a simple kind of life.

A long line made up of spectacular tiny moments of pure joy.  Those split seconds where your heart is so happy.  They are real.  They carry you through.

The more you let the feeling in the more these moments string together.

It is when you stop counting that you realize every second is that moment.

                                                                                        - Cape May -
                                                                                         July 27, 2015