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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Sometimes I Can't...

There is always this thought lingering in the back of my mind that surfaces every now and then when things happen. Sometimes I can't. It becomes clear when only one thing happens...when my blood sugar goes amuck. Sometimes I can't. I like to make progress and I like to get work done. Sometimes I can't. I don't always remember it, but sometimes I can't.

When I was working with my sister last weekend to put together some bookshelves, I had to stop because my blood sugar went too low. I had to treat it...which means...eating 15 grams of carb and waiting 15 minutes to see if my blood sugar has returned to a normal level. During this 15 minutes, you just sort of have to stop and "be". But while you are trying to just "be"...your brain freaks out and worries about all the things you can't do while you wait. Things like - -

* Continue to Build Bookshelves
* Finish the last 15 minutes on the Elliptical Machine
* Send an email
* Make a phone call
* Continue getting ready for work
* Drive to the Birthday Party you are excited about going to do

Because your brain is already fuzzy from low blood sugar...things sort of manifest and you freak out that you have all these things to do. There is a point when you think...I am never going to get all these things done. I am a failure. I wish I didn't have to stop. Those are the only moments when I get angry. Those are the only moments when I feel like I am not normal. Those are the moments when I realize that sometimes I can't.

And then...time passes...blood sugars rise...and if it were magic...I can do anything I put my mind to.

Sometimes physically you can't...

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