What's it all about???

I have been thinking about something one of my camp friends said at the end of camp last month during our staff debrief.  It had do with how as adults, we lose sight of our initial childhood dreams.  When I think about my childhood dreams, they were pretty simple.  I wanted to have a job where I kept a bunch of really important papers organized.  I think I nailed that one.  The other was probably more simple and I cast it aside...after I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.  I started to remember that life goal around this time last year, it was buried pretty deep. It is still in my brain space and part of me is starting to accept that I can make that one happen too.  I think I was afraid more than anything else...and maybe I am not so afraid anymore.

I'm feeling very lucky these days...I have such tremendous support around me...pushing me to do better, be better, and reach further.  I set out this past week to turn my world upside down, I knew that I needed to shake things up.  My latest blood work revealed a set of numbers that I was not proud of.  They were so bad, I had no choice but to immediately implement changes to get back on track.  I think it was good it happened...it was only the second time (in 25 years) that my Type 1 Diabetes made me cry.  I'm getting the balance back...with help.

That is what is different...I am asking for help.  I am accepting help.  My family, friends, and trainer/coach were crucial to my success during the last year.  They are still with me for the next set of hurdles...but I have added a few more...my boss, my endocrinologist, and a dietician.  I know that I can do this...    

The Bug Returns...

As fall returns, the bug returns.  The writing bug.  The novel idea I had back in July has been percolating and maybe this November I will figure out how to work in time for writing along with work, time with gym, and fun.  I think I can do it.  The past few weeks have been really tough, especially with work.  But this past week was all about getting out of my comfort zone and taking some ownership of creating the life I want.  A balanced one.  And so...I'm starting to feel in control again.  I have flipped around my schedule to go to see Gym in the morning, trying to leave work no later than 6pm (the boss's orders), and checking my blood sugar throughout the day.  I seem to have grown a bit of confidence in the process.  My blood sugars are already improving as a result and right now that is my first priority.  I'm making my health the most important thing...first time ever.  Everything else will balance around that...

Year Two...Let's Get it Going!!

Nothing like an appointment with your endocrinologist to help you set things in perspective...and to really help you hone in on the next set of things to fix about yourself.  I set out a year ago to completely transform how I manage my stress and have better balance...I pretty much nailed it...for the most part.  There were a few tenents - going to the gym, eating less food, and watching soccer games.  All of these things helped me to lose over 30 pounds, get stronger, lower my overall blood sugar levels, take less insulin, and have fun interests outside of my job.  Going to the gym and watching soccer games sort of go hand in hand...both get me out of the office and help me to forget about said office...even if just for a few hours. 

At the end of the month, I hit the 25 year mark for being a Type 1 Diabetes.  It seems after all of that time, I have finally decided to take on the hardest task.  Checking my blood sugar regularly...which means more than once a day.  The number that comes up on the screen has such a power over me, I know that it shouldn't...but it does.  If it is a good number, then it means I am a good person.  If it is a bad number, then it means that I am a bad person...not doing all the work I need to do to make it a good number.  To avoid that feeling, I just don't check it.  But I am going to get over that.  The level of my blood sugar should not define me or have any bearing on my feelings of self worth.  I need to be stronger than that...

So my goals for the next year are focused - -

1)  Check blood sugar more than once a day
2)  Continue to make healthier food choices, but track calories and carbs better.

Make no mistake, there may just be two goals stated...but that first one is a huge hill to climb.  But I am ready to climb it...I will climb it.  I'm thinking of it as work...it is my job to check my blood sugar throughout the day.  It is my job to track my intake of food better.  If there is work to be done, I will get it done.  That much I know...