The one thing that feels really good right now is the fact that I am not going to be one of the January Gym Starters...I have been clocking time since September...so I feel like a regular. I am a regular. My gym time has become a regular part of my life which is not only helping me to be healthier but to have balance. It feels really good to have time to just be...in complete anonymity. At the gym, I have no real role other than to work hard and it is for just one reason...to be a better me. There is a lot of power in that...power that I have not ever felt before.
As I continue to hone things health-wise, I'm going to set some things out on paper. I am feeling the need to do some old school journaling...taking the pen to paper to work some things out. I haven't done that in so long, but I feel like I need some blank pages to fill in order to kick start the next phase of things. I know that I need to change my eating habits (spacing out meals during the day) to continue to make more progress. I know that I need to start enacting several of the insulin changes that my endocrinologist has suggested. I need to not be afraid of what "could" happen. I need to focus on the flip side of getting better control so that I can work even harder. My fear is that eating during the day slows me down at work. My fear is that since I have to take insulin to cover said eating...I may get more lows...which will slow me down at work. It all routes back to my fear of not being able to do work.
I will get it happening...making the next set of changes will allow me to work more efficiently. It will make me better...especially if I start writing it all out on paper. Scribbling things out while operating with no fear...I will get it done.