Rabbits Rabbits Everywhere...

Maybe this happens to everyone...but I swear the same rabbit follows me everywhere I go...there is a bunny who always gives me the side eye in my backyard...and there is one when I am in Cape May.  I swear...the bunny found me when I was in San Diego.  Or maybe it is just because I am paying more attention that I seem to notice them.  Either way...rabbit sightings have become a thing.  So I knew a few months back when I saw that a new pub like place was opening called White Rabbit Gastropub I was going to have to make my way there.  Sometimes...you just have a feeling. 

You can learn a lot about a place when you are out and about on your own.  There are lots of things that go into the evaluation of whether or not you will go back again...the beer selection is important...the vibe of the place...the music playing...but above all else...it is about the people.  In the spirit of doing the things I want to do, regardless of whether or not I have someone to do them with, I have become quite comfortable walking into places on my own.  It gets easier and I do find that there are a few things make it less traumatic for my introverted self....so I am not always the strange girl at the bar scribbling into her notebook.  Talking about music, soccer, and/or beer are ways that I do actually initiate conversations...but it does take people around you who aim to be inclusive. 

Such was the case on my solo beer adventure this past Tuesday to White Rabbit Gastropub...after finally finding the rabbit hole...I was instantly at home.  I found my way to the second level bar...picked a stool...and had a fun night of good beer and conversation.  I was instantly pulled into the chatter happening around the bar and never once felt awkward or out of place.  It was all so easy...and clear that you find the places that you are meant to find.  Plus, they let me keep a pen...so you know...since I love to write...this was a thing.  

I'm going to keep following my hunches and enjoy the rabbit holes I decide to wander down...I'm definitely on the road to somewhere...and for once...I'm not going to rush...I'm just going to enjoy the breadcrumbs that are leading me forward to the things that matter.

The Things That Matter...

I believe in signs and omens...I believe that you are not handed anything that you can't handle...I believe that you should trust the process...I believe that you should do what you love...I believe that I needed a good swift kick to remember all of these things.  We all have moments when you feel a little bit lost...but the key is not to dwell there to long.  You have to remember the things that matter.  The things that matter to you...and then all else will work its way out.  I know the things that matter to me...my family...love in my heart and soul...writing...music...soccer...beer...walking for miles...staring at trees and/or water...dates with Gym...and travel.  These are the things I need to consume myself with...not my job.  My job is the thing that allows me to enjoy all the things that matter.  I had briefly forgotten.

I was watching my favorite local band (19th Street Band) talk about and then sing their song

"The Things That Matter" and it hit me...I'm not really doing all of the things that matter to me.  It took some time to work it through...many scribbles in my journal...a few beers...some music...random epiphany inspiring conversations at my local watering hole...then a decision to put all fears aside...and just do all the things.  So, I am.  I'm going to make time for all the things...and in doing so...I'll have endless fodder for the one thing I love to do the most...write. 

Beer:  Off the Rook - RAR

Music:  I Want to Be Here - Neko Case (Case/Lang/Veirs)

Everyone Should Know a Joel...

When I was younger, like any Type A, list-making 12 year old, I created a mental list of things that I wanted my life to be. (Truth...I still add to it!!)  I remember thinking that I wanted to have many meaningful relationships with different kinds of people.  Being a socially inept introvert doesn't exactly make achieving this goal easy, but even with this personality flaw, I have been very lucky.  You find the people you are meant to find...when you need to find them. 

I have written about Joel many times...he was camper I met my first year volunteering at Camp Fantastic...and knowing him changed my life.  He was wise.  He was enlightened.  He was okay with whatever his cancer journey was going to bring him.  He was funny.  He had great taste in music.  He adored his older brother.  He made me a sign to hang in my office.  He asked me to dance.  He was Joel West Baillie.  He is one of too many reasons I work hard at work.  He is my hero.

Meeting My Hero's Parents and Niece

In the magical way the world (and internet) works...even though Joel is out and about in the universe...I am lucky in that I have been able to connect with his family over the years.  When Joel's brother Nate and his wife (Karen) were in town a few years ago on New Years...we decided to finally meet in person.  It was so much fun to talk about Joel...we became fast friends. 

This past Spring...Nate and Karen had a baby girl...Joelene.  A perfect namesake...a perfect everything.  I felt really special to receive an invite to her baptism.  I felt even more special in being able to meet Joel's Mom and Dad...in addition to Joelene (of course).  I had corresponded with his Mom via email after she had read several of my past journal entries about Joel a few years ago.  She thanked me again for writing them.  After a long hug, we talked about all kinds of things.  We reminisced about his amazing memorial.  We talked about a camp family weekend that we had all attended.  She was funny and wise...just like Joel.  I talked about my work.  I talked about my writing.  She was so encouraging.  So positive.  So free.  

For a writer, there is nothing more powerful then when someone thanks you for your words.  For me, just knowing that someone reads my words is enough.  I remember at Joel's memorial there was an entire table dedicated to all of the stories he had written.  One in particular that stands out in my mind was an essay...about how he envisioned his life down the road.  At the time, I remember thinking how lucky I was to have so much "down the road" time.  I also remember wondering if I was living it the best way that I could.  I know this much, I'm definitely living my "down the road" time much better now than I was then.

Past Musings on Joel

He would have been sixteen - -  http://joyous-0177.livejournal.com/50369.html

The Joel sign moves again - -  http://joyous-0177.livejournal.com/61968.html

Remembering Joel - -  http://joyous-0177.livejournal.com/82088.html

On being centered - -  http://joyous-0177.livejournal.com/122673.html

First Year at Camp Pictures (2002) - - http://joywizziwa.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-totally-forgot-i-blog-here.html

In the Waiting...

I'm just going to come right out and say it...it would be impossible to find a container big enough to hold all of my joy at the moment.  It is like Christmas Eve.  I have been waiting for several months for this day to arrive.  I have planned my outfit.  I found the perfect shoes.  I picked out a color coordinated Vera Bradley purse.  It has all been leading up to tonight.  Coldplay.  Next to camp, this may be the biggest moment of the summer for me.  There is nothing I love more than going to a show.  Live music is one of the most wonderful sources of fuel for me.  I sing.  I dance.  I don't care who listens or sees.  I go apeshit crazy when the band hits the stage.  I do it because I can.  There is a moment during every show where I feel connected...to something much larger than the usual space I occupy.  I know that all those out and about in the universe who guide me are gathered with me...dancing and singing.  Because we can...

In honor of my Mom's 60th year, I decided that the perfect gift for her would be to see Coldplay live.  She hasn't seen them live before.  After the last time I saw them play in 2009, I had her listen to some CDs and she fell in love with them.  This will be the fourth time I have seen them play...and it is always amazing.  I can't wait for the experience that is just hours away.  I have been waiting since December when I got the tickets.  She has been waiting since February when I gave her the tickets for her birthday.  I can't help but think that the most amazing part is in the waiting...when the lights go down just before they take the stage.  There is endless possibility in those moments and then everything else is in the after...

15 Hour Mini-Vakay...

We are nothing if not efficient...and I was really proud of the three of us for taking a bit of a respite late on Sunday and into Monday morning last week. It was obviously meant to be...because it all happened so easily. Well...after my sister took the reigns and made the main event possible and for some reason decided to get three tickets. With the addition of reward points which allowed for a free hotel room at the Mayflower...we couldn't not take a quick little break. It was perfection. Even down to an amazing picture that was in our room combining two of my DC Favorites...cherry blossoms and the Jefferson Memorial.

When word came out about Henry Rollins doing a 50th Birthday Show in DC on his Birthday...I knew I had to get tickets. Except, the day of the pre-sale I got busy at work and didn't go to the site to get tickets until 50 minutes after they went on sale. They were sold out!! I was mortified...I was going to miss Henry. But then, in perfect Henry style, he added another show on the night of his birthday. My sister got tickets...three of them!! So my Mom, Sister, and I could all go. He did not disappoint. He never does. His shows always have a perfect arc...and you learn something. Sometimes more than just one thing. I think my favorite part was him reciting the Preamble to the South African Constitution. Beautiful. My favorite line..."Improve the quality of life of all citizens and free the potential of each person." It doesn't getting any more to the point than that.

In honor of the Muse...

I didn't write last night because I was totally captivated by my new TV show addiction...Sons of Anarchy. It is now added to my list of current obsessions...along with Mad Men. I never remember when shows are on...and can't even commit to watch things regularly on the DVR...I know...sad. So watching shows on DVD...a season behind everyone else seems to be how I roll. I felt bad about not writing, but good writing...in novels, movies, and even TV is inspiring. That is how I felt last night.

The growth of characters, the twists, the ups and downs, the connections...no matter what the genre or the mode of delivery...it inspires me to get words on paper. A song. A scene. A line of dialog. Each is the magic that gets me going. Each fuels the thing in my brain that churns the words out through my fingers. So many muses. That is the best feeling there is...when the words come flowing out onto the page. That is why I love November so much.

So, I'm at Panera...secured my favorite table by the outlet...ready for a full day of writing. I haven't ever done this before...so I am excited. I'm at 4,102 words...wonder where I will be in a few hours. Any guesses?

PS - I just heard a roar of a motorcycle...muse...I love it!! Never thought I would feel so passionately about a team...a family...of gun runners from a place called charming. Best show ever...seriously...and the Season 2 finale...woah!!!

Favorite Day of the Year...

If I was really being honest...I probably have more than just one favorite day of the year...but today is definitely one of them. It is the only day that stands in the way of opening up my laptop...creating a blank page...and writing a new novel (or at least a crappy first draft of one). At midnight...November 1...the journey begins. Novel writing!! I am so excited!! Halloween...is kind of a side note for today. The real celebration is that it is the last day before I become entranced in a story that I hardly know at this point. Characters who are vague notions in my mind. I will be driven by word counts. Inspired by songs. Clocking lots of hours at Panera. Today is the pre-game show...filled with anticipation before I take the field.

The only real planning I have done is to start my notebook for this year...which is a cute Vera Bradley notebook (in Java Blue) that one of my good friends gave me for Christmas last year. I have also started my NanoWrimo 2010 play list...which is filled with songs that I think are going to help me write this year's novel. That is if I think that I am actualy going to write the novel that I think I am. The muse has a way of messing with that..and that is one of the most fun aspects of novel writing. You can't possibly know where things are going to go. Not if you are doing it right!!

There has been one story baking in my brain for so many years...I want this year to be the year that I turn it out of the pan and onto the page. We will have to see...

Feel it in the air...

I am getting very excited for Spring and Summer...if you read my blog often....you may know that 2009 was a very busy year for me. I made work my number one priority...which I do not regret...but it did take a toll. One of the things I have been trying to do is to not repeat the same thing in 2010. Well...work is still a number one priority...but I am working very hard to have some balance. To take time to have fun. To put the blackberry off to the side. To make plans.

I am very excited about several plans that I have already made - seeing Henry Rollins on Wednesday Night, seeing the Red Sox play a few times, a long weekend in Baltimore, seeing Dave Matthews Band, Camp (hope, hope...if they want me back), seeing a good friend of mine complete her second Iron Girl, and a full week off of work after camp. Just knowing that I have "things" coming up helps so much. They are motivating too. They are calming. They are giving me balance.

So, there is a reason behind my latest Vera Bradley purchase - A Rosie Posie Hipster in Kiss Me. You knew that something in the form of a justification for purchase was coming didn't you? Well, since I have all of these fun things coming up, I will need to have a cute little purse to hold important things - sunglasses, cell, blackberry, $$, and insulin. I am not going to lie, before I walked into my favorite Vera Dealer I may have started a mantra that went something like this - "I do not need a new Hipster." That I may have been repeating over and over. Besides, I needed something that would go with all my Red Sox stuff (which is all pink and blue). My lucky cap being the most important piece (of course).

I gathered my strength as I walked into the store, explaining to my sister that the new Frill bags would all clash with my Red Sox stuff...so I really didn't need to worry about buying anything. And then...as I approached the display...I remembered. The Kiss Me pattern is Pink and Navy. Perfect!!!

She's Gone to the Movies...

In sitting back and thinking about how crazy 2009 was, I have been trying to think of a few things to remember in 2010 as I try to focus more on balance. There was a great song by Semisonic back in the 90's...it was called "Gone to the Movies". A great line from the song occurred to me...it was along the lines of the fact that the movies was "the only place she would go to lose herself." It resonnated. When you are at the movies, it really does provide a good escape. Not as good as a rock show (as long as you don't answer your cell phone) but a way to refocus your mind. It is a way to get some balance. The past week provided several escapes, which included the following:

* Sherlock Holmes
* The Hangover
* 17 Again
* Management
* Dance Flick
* All About Steve

Plus, movies do provide good research for writing. I'm all about the analysis...the peaks and lows. Every story does flow in that rising action with complications, the peak, and then the denouement that follows. I guess one of the items on my list for 2010 will be to go to the movies on a regular basis and watch them via DVD and DirecTV of course. :)

This has been another installment of Operation Getting Your Shit Together (OGYST).

How the Story Ends...

So the one plus to getting sick just after the holidays was that I was exhausted and collapsed for the past few days. I rested and napped and finally finished watching Felicity. For those of you who don't know, I LOVED this show. And not just because girls with adjectives as first names are very complex and intense...ahem...it was all about Ben and Noel. Who was she going to choose? I loved the idea that she had a feeling and went with it. I loved how she was so nutty. I loved how she grew. For a time, I actually arranged my school schedule around when it was on.

The last season...I was in graduate school...and had to miss most of it. For the past few years...I had been working through all four years worth of the DVDs...but got really busy and never finished. Well...on a whim...I decided I would take advantage of my cold and finish watching Season 4. I did. Wow. Watching the relationships grow. Watching it being several years older now with more life experience under my belt. It was emotionally draining...which is just how I like things.

It had me thinking about Twilight...I am not obsessed with it...haven't read the books...have only seen New Moon. But as I watching Felicity and her Ben vs. Noel drama...it reminded me of something. That struggle...in having to decide...so many good stories are based on that premise. It is frustrating for the reader...but it is what makes you dive in. I was thinking about my own past characters and how I used to have such a hard time with giving them flaws. It is the flaws that draw the reader in...sometimes getting frustrated (within reason) with the main character is a good thing.

My original idea for my NanoWrimo 09 Novel was based a bit on the struggle my main character has between deciding upon two very different male characters. I'm going to be sure to embellish that a bit in my re-write. After all, at some point, the main character has to make some bad choices...why else would one keep reading?

I can't end without a list of a few of my favorite Felicity Quotes - -

1) Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can pretty much change your life forever.

2) Do you know what I definitely believe in? Fate -- that things happen for a reason.

3) It was like being one snowflake in a crazy blizzard. But then it occurred to me -- everyone's one snowflake.

4) The truth is I can't be with you like this. I mean, I know I said that I could, but I can't. I just can't compromise myself like that. I mean I'm an emotional person. I feel things and I need to be able to get upset and talk about how I'm feeling. I mean that's just...that's who I am and I can't change it. I don't want to. And the thing is you knew that, you knew it and you still pursued me because you want something with me, you just aren't strong enough to have it which...in a way makes you a coward. And the saddest part is that...one day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna realize what you missed and it's gonna be too late.

New Name...Winston!!!

In perfect writing style (after over 50K words) I realized that the name of my main boy character just didn't quite work. In chatting with my sister about it...she suggested changing it to Winston. Which...sounded really good. Winston Nixx. Who may or may not be a punk rocker. ;) I know right??? I keep saying that I was inspired for this book while my sister and I were at the Ulalume Festival which MTV filmed...so I can go back and watch the moment when my novel was born. It may or may not have been during a performance of Dead By Sunrise.

The crowning moment of when my girl hero character (Ruby) meets her guy (Winston) was sort of based loosely on one of those pivotal life moments that happened to me at that show. And the rest as they say, is creative writing history. At the time, getting a phone call from work during a rock show was maddening. But in reality, it helped to create and fuel my NanoWrimo 09 novel. So I am thankful I guess, it is a process, and everything does happen for a reason.

My two loves combined this month....writing and music. As I get ready to write the last chapter, I will be looping one song: Kid Cudi - Pursuit of Happinesss. Funny thing is I am pretty sure that was the song he was performing when I got the call from work. I didn't figure it out until yesterday...and I think...in many ways...it is kind of what my novel is about.

Novel Happy... Word Count = 44,045

Thanks to my Panera NanoWrimo Pals...I got 2K words. I was so excited to learn that on Twitter they have NanoWrimo Sprints and that really helped...in 20 and 25 minutes I got about 670 words each time. That really helped...and I will definitely have to do that more over the next few days. I was feeling a bit scattered in my writing tonight...it was the first time where I felt unfocused. Hopefully tomorrow I can get some go again and pick up the pace a bit. I need to think about how to start wrapping this story up. I need my Big Black Moment (which I think I just discovered tonight) and then need to figure out all the stuff that gets resolved. I have the ending scene in my mind...but need to figure out in this last stretch how the heck to get there.

Okay...enough about that. I need to reveal something. I have a new celebrity crush I think. Dane Cook. I love him!! He is so freaking funny...I was listening to him on the way home. It was totally what I needed.

Has anyone heard his bit called "Haters"? Freaking awesome...hate cancer??? It will make you laugh...sometimes you should take the low road. Genius!! Seriously...so so good.

DMB Moves Me.... Word Count = 41,038

There are just some songs that get me writing...tonight it was Dave Matthews Band - Warehouse. It is one of my favorites because it has a mix of emotions mashed together. It switches directions...like a story. And then you add some sax action...and it is perfection. I could spin thousands of stories off of this one song. It is that good. Between this song and Stay or Leave...I could live on repeat forever.

Merrily We Roll Along..... Word Count = 40,172

Considering that I only wrote on Sunday, I did very well this weekend. I am trying not to think about how many words I would have now if I had written on Saturday too. I am hoping to get a lot of words in over the next week...the holiday will really help. I am tired and will probably head to sleep soon. I have a long day tomorrow and am hoping that I will still have some energy tomorrow night to write. November always flies by and I know that I will miss it when it is over. I have lots to do, so much so that I am feeling anxious, but I am trying to just push those thoughts aside.

Random Thought Insert - I am totally loving my net book by the way. It is so handy to just throw into my bag or walk around the house connected and able to write any time I feel the urge.

Another Less Random Thought Insert - I must admit that my obsession with the New Moon soundtrack has resulted in some unexpected turns in my novel. I love the wallowly hallow sounds of several of the songs. My current favorites are Rosyln, Possibility, and Hearing Damage. Have a feeling they will all be in my head tomorrow even though I am at work. After getting the soundtrack, I am so wanting to see the movie again. Isn't that silly?

Yeti Cuteness...

Obvioulsy I am stalling and not adding to my word count...because why would I ever do a blog on Bigfoot? Why would I be watching "The Mummy" only to be surprised at how cute the Yetis were in the movie. They are aren't they?

Somehow I don't think I can count this distraction as research for my novel. It is just a random thing that I didn't think I would ever blog about. Maybe I am just tired. Okay...punchy and tired.

Report from the Pavilion - Coldplay

I am a bit late in my follow-up but the Coldplay show on Thursday night was the best one yet. I was having so much fun that I did not take many pictures and those that I took were not the greatest. It is hard to know where to start…other than to say that most my favorites were played. As always, they put on a great show with lots of surprises. They moved from the main stage to a center platform area in the pavilion.

That is where I snapped the glowing head of Chris Martin.


Our seats were in perfect view of the jumbo-tron so this is what it looked like from the front. Coldplay has provided the soundtrack for much of my writing.

The warm summer-like weather was perfect and I was up on my feet groovin' during the entire show. There is something about live music that brings me to life and rejuvenates me. Despite my introverted nature, when the music plays I can't not groove. I have no clue if I look silly or really insane...and I don't really care. And for whatever reason, anytime I am at a show I can't help but think about Joel and Chass. There is no point in not singing out loud and dancing your ass off, in fact, it is kind of like my tribute. You should dance and sing for all those who can't any longer.

It was an absolutely perfect evening and then as the show was coming to a close bursts of confetti hit the air from the front and traveled through the air to back of the pavilion. They fluttered and scattered...a rainbow of color. As they got closer I could see that they were butterflies. How perfect was that?? One found it's way to me and I caught it. A sign....from all the good stuff that flutters around me. A reminder that connections really do last forever.

Thursday 13 - Coldplay Favorites

Since I am so freaking excited about seeing Coldplay tonight, my Thursday 13 list is dedicated to 13 of my favorite Coldplay Songs. Coldplay is one of those bands that totally spurs my writing. There is something about them that gets my brain off into never never land where all my noveldom swirls from. I think upon each of their album releases...a new book idea was borne. So let's end the rambling and share my list!!

1. In My Place
2. Clocks
3. Moses
4. Speed of Sound
5. Til Kingdom Come
6. Life in Technicolor
7. Life in Technicolor II (seems it should be it's own song, right??)
8. Glass of Water
9. Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love
10. One I Love
11. Don't Panic
12. Strawberry Swing
13. Rainy Day

I wish I could list one to grow on...but I won't. But if I could?? It would be Shiver.

If you would like to check out other Thursday 13's...have at it by clicking here!!!

Life’s Movie Moments…

I have had a few I think. You know them, feel them when they are happening. I have even had some that others have witnessed and then told me about. I had one last week. And it is still with me. It had a theme tune and everything. A downed tree caused me to have to drive another way into work. I was driving along with the radio cranked…lost in the reverie of really cool lyrics and sounds. You know how that it is. A song can be as captivating as a person. And then…there he was. One of my novel muses on a morning run. And the music swirled. And my heart did that flippy thing. And I have been on a high ever since…

Thursday 13 - Looking Forward

As I am crazy for the lists, I am finally taking a few minutes out of my day to participate in the Thursday 13 over on Carmen Shirkey’s Blog - The List. This is the perfect thing for me to participate in…being that 1) I love lists, 2) Thursday is my favorite day of the week, and 3) 13 is my lucky number. Kismet anyone??

This Thursday 13 is all about looking forward…so here we go!! I present to you my list of 13 things that I am looking forward to - -

1. Seeing Coldplay one week from tonight and the four day weekend that will follow.

2. Getting a pedicure this weekend.

3. When my signed copy of The List arrives so that I can start reading it…so excited for this.

4. Trying one of those new light lime beers from Miller…while sitting on the deck…

5. Swimming!!!

6. Buying some cute dresses for Spring/Summer…one of my work friends is promising to hook me up with her Ann Taylor discount.

7. Being able to find the Dave Aude Remix of U2’s Magnificient so that I can add it to my ipod.

8. Writing a blog about life’s own movie moments…I had one recently that is related to #7 above and #9 below.

9. Getting back on track with my Lolly Friar novel…because I got a fine reminder of the need to keep on writing to get that first draft done. Then I can hack away at it and really make it into something.

10. Looking for some old work friends on Facebook.

11. Eating healthy again and getting back on track T1 Diabetes-wise…so that my doctor will love me and not be disappointed in me.

12. Hitting my 15th Anniversary at work…upon which I will earn 8 hours of annual leave each pay day. Score!!!

13. Being first on Carmen’s link list for the Thursday 13!! Update - I was second...but not bad. Maybe next week!!!

Skunky Skunk...

Ever since I started working just about 15 years ago, I have had this silly fear. Since I am an early bird, the thought has occurred to me over the years that being out and about before the sun is up poses some risk. My biggest fear? Being sprayed in skunky yuck juice early in the morning. I know that is crazy...but after my skunk sighting early yesterday AM out of the kitchen window it seemed all too clear that my fear could be realized.

It will be a busy day with lots of meetings. I'll be leaving early. I'll have on a great outfit. A cute Vera Bradley purse. And then it will happen...I will get skunked. Right there before reaching my car I will stop dead in my tracks. Then what will I do? I can see myself become oddly calm and wonder where I could go to take a tomato bath. If only there were a spa I could escape too.

Could you imagine the email I would have to send to my boss and fellow co-workers? I would never be able to escape that one...hey...remember when Joy got skunked? That was classic....