In that sacred space...

No matter how many years pass, in a split second, you can get pulled back into that space.  Sometimes you go willingly...you spur it on with a song or going to places once visited.  Sometimes you find it on the wind while watching the sunrise.  Sometimes you are sitting in a pub, watching soccer, and you overhear a conversation between siblings about their parent.  How to manage their care.  How to rearrange the furniture.  How to convert the downstairs bathroom to include railings.  How to add an extra railing in the stairwell.  How to add a ramp to the garage steps.  It all came rushing back during the time of year where it all still lingers.

Something happens in this space of time from late November until mid March...there is this thing that travels overhead and settles around.  Every year I think I am strong enough to not let it weigh into my being.  It is this sacred space that I shared with my Mom and Sister when we were caring for someone who was dying.  There was no time for wallowing.  There was no time for regret.  There was only time to be fully present and ready for whatever the next moment brought.  It was hard.  It was scary.  It was not without tears.  It was beautiful.

There was a moment last night when I stood by the water and I could feel it all.  The ebb and flow of everything.  The energy.  The sky was strewn with color.  Everyone we needed was around.  We toast.  We live.  We love.

In the Counting Down...Three Years Ago Tonight...

Does each year get easier?  Maybe.  Does the level of missing diminish?  Not that I can tell...but I think that it is a good thing...it is all the love...it never stops.  In the first year of missing someone...you mark the day they left with every passing month. We did this with Grandpa (December 14, 2007) in our Year of Firsts in 2008.  We did this with Grandma too (March 18, 2011)...in our Year of Firsts in 2011/2012.  The span of time between December and March is always tough...I think because as much as you want to remember all of the time before...you hold the time during closer...the last months, weeks, days, and hours.  I was lucky to have that time with both...that doesn't always happen.  It is a sacred space...but you have to keep moving forward...no dwelling allowed.  That is not what my Grandma would want.  

Three years ago tonight, my Grandma was finally free to dance among the clouds.  She would want me to be smiling (check), wearing my hair down - because you look prettier that way (check), enjoying an alcoholic beverage (check), and being happy (check).    

Getting on the Train...

I remember exactly how I felt that last night sitting at my Grandma's bedside...my Mom and Sister to the side of me.  We were in the place that had become our second home for almost three weeks, Casey House.  It is a precious space to be in.  It is not a place for wimps.  Only the truly authentic can hold their own in the room where one world meets another.  The space between when someone you love is here and they are out and about in the universe.

The truth is, I had been waiting for my time.  My time to help.  There were moments when I thought it would never come, but then I would stop and remember my mantra....Trust the Process.  I had learned it in when my Grandpa was in the same space several years before.  His journey was so different, but fitting for him.  Her journey was fitting for her...it was a quiet time of getting ready to get on the train again.  Her sparkly, funny nature slowly faded and that was what was so hard to watch.  Her last stroke had taken away her words, her ability to move on one side, then her ability to smile and then her ability to swallow.  I always knew that hospice was a magical thing...truth be told...if I could do my career again...that is what I would do.  But experiencing it first hand...watching it...made me respect it even more. 

On that last night, she looked peaceful, beautiful...just like how she had looked in pictures from when she was younger.  I remember watching her slow breathing and I just started talking.  Talking about how scared she must have been when she got on the train in Vermont at age 17 to start her life in DC to help with the war effort.  She didn't want to be stuck in her small town...working in the ten cent store.  She got on the train.  She never looked back.  She was fearless.  I swear I could feel how she felt when she was young...on the platform...waiting to board the train.  Saying goodbye to her family.   Knowing that despite their tears, getting on that train was what she needed to do.  Fearless.

I told her that we (my Mom, Sister, and I) would be okay if she wanted to get on the train again.  We would support her.  We would remember how much fun we had.  We would remember how she took such good care of us.  We would remember her amazing meals.  We would laugh and smile...always.  I remember telling her that she was so brave...then and now.  If she wanted to get on the train, we would cheer her on...she did not need to worry anymore.  She was strong.  She was fearless.

We each kissed her goodnight.  We went to get dinner...eating bad things...it was how we got through.  I remember looking up at an old calendar that was hanging on the wall...part of the decor at Bugaboo Steakhouse...it was from 1947.  That was the year my Grandparents got married.  If I had not known before...I knew it then. I don't know that we had been home five minutes when the phone rang...asking us to come back.  By the time we got back to Casey House...she had boarded the train and was headed to her next destination.  

Smile and Let Your Hair Down...

It will be two years in March...and it still seems like yesterday when we spent those last few months with Grandma.  They were probably the most hard moments we had ever faced as a family...my Mom, Sister and I.  When those feelings of extreme missing hit me, I turn to one thing...pictures.  I head to the basement and pick a box and then let the old photos remind me of all the fun we had with Grandma (and Grandpa too).  Grandma's Birthday was on Sunday...so I headed to the basement to see if I could find a picture that I hadn't remembered seeing before.  I did.  This one really captures the perfect smile of my Grandma...she was always cheerful and happy.  She always took good care of me.  And she always told me that there were two things that I needed to work on...1) smiling more and 2) wearing my hair down.

The good news...I have been working diligently on both.  Despite my name, I was pretty serious as a kid and as a teen and as a young adult too.  I'm growing into being more carefree and working on smiling more.  I have also spent the majority of my life wearing my hair back too...in a ponytail or a bun.  I'm making progress on there too...I actually wear my hair down more days of the week than I do up.  Although, I do keep a hairband at my desk at work...I just think better when it is pulled away from my face.  I know Grandma would be okay with that...it is still down...technically...and being productive at work makes me smile more...so one supports the other.  I think she would be happy at the progress.

I miss her so much...her bravery...her style...her heart...her laugh...her cooking...her smile...her everything.

A brand new view...

There is something powerful about letting go of the familiar and opening up to something new.  I knew when I decided to get new glasses back in December 2011 that I was ready to change things up.  I had no idea what sort of changes would be on the way when I gave away my red glasses.  Life became more complicated and significantly harder...I was balancing my job and my family...looking back...I was crisis mode.  I was looking through new lenses only to see the last days of my Grandma while trying not to miss a beat at work.  I saw food...lots of food...that was my comfort and my calm.  Well, food and endless conversations with my Mom and Sister. 

The views of readjusting to a life without care taking responsibilities was harder than one would think.  From mid-March until August 2011, I had no idea how to fill to the time...so there was food...more food...and work.  There is always work.  There is a picture of me on the beach that is seared into my memory from an early August vacation...it was me but it wasn't me.  It wasn't the me that I wanted to be.  I was hiding, completely invisible.

By early September after the winds of a hurricane swept through and cleared my mind, I was ready to start filling my time differently.  I was going to get my calm in new ways...going to the gym, watching soccer, having fun, and eating less.  And work...of course...there is always work.  I fell into a new routine...my sanity time with gym after work.  Watching soccer games on Friday nights and the occasional Tuesday or Thursday...it was motivation to work hard physically, not just mentally.  There were things I had to do outside of my job...I had plans.  Suddenly I didn't feel so invisible and was getting back to me. 

By November, once my routine was set in terms of clocking time with gym, I was ready for another change.  While my new specs had seen me through the hardest of days and the beginning of a transformation, I no longer wanted to hide behind them.  The hour and half at the eye doctor's office while I struggled to put contacts in my eyes for the first time was a landmark in all that was still to come.  In the past, when something didn't come naturally to me, I would just quit.  I would stop and just move on to something else.

This time, it was different, I was going to push through.  I was going to put tiny new lenses in my eyes.  I was going to step up my workouts at the gym.  I was not going to eat bad things to feel better.  I was not going to give up on something just because it was hard.  It was a whole new everything with no limitations or blinders or spectacles in my way.  A new brand new view...

A year ago...

On the heels of our return from a fun Christmas in Annapolis, our world took a turn. At the time, we didn't know how long the journey would be. We were hopeful. We were realistic. We were scared. We felt lost sometimes. We were tired. But we always had each other...

I spent much of yesterday thinking about this picture...it is from Christmas Eve last year as we were shopping around Annapolis. We had so much fun. We knew that it was essential to enjoy every moment the four of us (Grandma, Mom, Sister, and Me) had together. I don't know if we somehow intuited what the next few days (and ultimately months) would bring or if we just knew that at some point we would not be a foursome so we needed to live it up big. Sometimes you just have a feeling...and you never want to have regrets.

Three days later we hustled quickly to put the new bed set that we had given to Grandma for Christmas on her bed before she came upstairs for the evening. It was frantic really...we had to sneak it upstairs because we wanted to surprise her. As the end of the evening drew to night, she was ready to go upstairs. We had assumed our regular positions...one of us walked backwards ahead of her and one of us behind. She had a bit of trouble grabbing the stair rail with her right hand...which was weird. I suggested perhaps we stay downstairs, but Grandma was pleading with me. She wanted to go upstairs to her bedroom. "Please..."

So we proceeded upstairs, her determination was fueling the journey. She was struggling...but she had a goal...and she was not afraid of hard work. She got just in the doorway to peak in see her bed all dolled up and then we eased her to the floor. We knew what was happening. She knew what was happening. She was having another stroke...and it was very different than the ones before. I have two vivid memories from that night...the sound of her voice saying "Please" and the look on her face when we locked eyes as the EMTs helped her into a transport bed/chair thing. She knew it was bad too.

The time span between December 27, 2010 and March 18, 2011 would be filled with so many moments. The four of us were still figuring things out...together...until we were just three.

Over a month...Really?? Really??

So, have I really not blogged since August 7? Is that even possible? The good news is that I have been busy...busy at work and busy at fun. Busy at things I never would have predicted the last time I blogged. August was very good to me in all the ways that I needed it to be. Time to rest. Time to reflect. Time to serve. Time to get my groove back. There are lots of things that I want to write about...but packing them all into one post won't do each of them justice and I want to spend some good quality writing time crafting them. In the meantime, I thought I would write a list...because I am crazy for the lists.

Life List - Stuff from August through Mid-September

1) Taking a week off from work and having some time away across the Bay Bridge was great...even with a crazy sunburn.

2) Being at Camp Fantastic was amazing and I really felt challenged this year to work even harder. All the love and good vibes packed into an amazing week are the fuel that keeps you going all year long. For the first time ever, I was completely out of communication with work. It was the best thing I could have done. Ummm...and of course I bought a Vera Bradley Bookbag in Plum Petals for camp this year...it was perfect...it even held my clipboard!!

3) Easing back into work after camp was easy and the truth is...I still have my "camp high". I have spent a lot of time working on focusing on one thing at a time and not getting overwhelmed...even if 10 different things are flying towards me. This is hard for me to do...but I am still at it...and for the most part...keeping everything in perspective. Calm during an earthquake...even I know you can't control everything.

4) Catching a University of Maryland Men's Soccer Game at the Germantown Soccer Plex has completely changed my life. My sister's idea for something to do on a Friday night has opened a whole new world to me. I am now a soccer fan. The game is poetry. It fuels the writer in me. Watching it is teaching me to be a better me. This team is headed for great heights...with an incredible spirit, hard work, and a Coach who does it right. I am psyched to cheer them on all season. I'm officially a Ludwig regular!!

5) Seeing Stevie Nicks was one of my bucket list items. She is one of my favorite song writers and she killed it. Her words always get right to the core of it. Love her!!

6) Going to the Sound of Music Sing A Long was much more campy than I would have thought...but even introverted me got into it. Who doesn't want to hiss when the Baroness is on the screen. Oh Captain, My Captain. You and your silly whistle. Truly one of the best movies ever. If you are ever feeling lowly, just listen to "Climb Every Mountain"...instant motivator.

7) Kicking some Type 1 Diabetes butt by getting to the gym and getting my swagger back feels really good. I'm working hard so that I can run/jog a 5K (Becca's Run) on October 1. The perfect way to start my 24th year as a Type 1 Diabetic. Feeling pretty good these days...good numbers...I love that!!


I know that much of the above is due to the fact that we are closing in on six months since Grandma has been gone. Healing is a process and there are is no timeline...but I know that she is proud...of numbers 3 and 7 especially. Moving forward...it is the only direction to go.

It hits at the strangest moments...

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could feel this loved all the time? Safe in your Grandma's arms? A whole new everything in front of you? She was a big fan of mine. Always encouraging...especially when it came to writing. I trusted her opinon because she wrote beautiful poems and read a lot. I actually let her read all of my journals once...we were bonded because of it. She had a readers view into my life during some of my most formative years. It made me feel wrapped in her arms...it still does. Just like this picture.

I have been thinking about this blog post for a long while, ever since I saw the movie Bridesmaids. A movie that was freaking hilarious but I could feel something just below the surface stirring. When I sat in my seat, I could see a wheelchair in front of me...we were late to the theatre and it was packed so we were close to the entrance. During the previews, I heard a familiar sound. The sounds of someone trying to talk who can't. I never appreciated the emotion conveyed through tones before. It made me think of Grandma in those last months.

The sounds that continued through the movie were of laughter and comments on what was an incredibly fun movie. I was laughing and truly enjoying it, but every now and then I would flashback on a moment at somepoint between the end of December and the middle of March. The sounds were so familiar. They were the only verbal type of communication we had with Grandma and I missed them. I thought back to the day when my Mom and I took her to the doctor for a follow-up appointment...and how everyone stared at us in the waiting room. For me it was an energy surge. Yes...this is our life...and we are handling it. I was proud. Now I think back and wonder how the heck we did it. And then I remember...it is that four letter word again. Love.

As the movie was winding it's way to the end, the person behind us with her beautiful sounds was being helped down the stairs by her caretaker. I happened to look over and could see her white shiny hair and a smiling face glowing in the light reflected off of the screen while she was helped into her wheelchair. It was just a glimpse and then it happened. All that was lingering just below the surface came out in heaping sobs. The missing. The sadness. The memories. The love.

Missing...

I miss my Grandma even though I am easing back into life. Her smiling face. Her spunk and style. Her great sense of humor. Taking her places to do fun things. Yesterday as I walked around Brookside Gardens for the first time...this after having wanted to do so for about 10 years...I wished that I had thought to take Grandma. She would have loved it...there were great wheelchair accessible pathways. It was so peaceful. It was so beautiful. She loved being outside with trees and flowers. I felt bad for not thinking to do it before. As I walked, feeling inept the wind picked up and kissed my face. It was clear...Grandma was walking with me.

The Hardest Drawer for Last...

We were in hyper cleaning mode last week...I think my Mom, Sister and I tried to keep busy and we got lots of things done. As many of you know, I am all about the lists...so you will not be surprised to find out that the first thing I did when we got home after Grandma passed away was to break out a brand new Vera Bradley notebook and start making lists. Sick..I know...but it made me feel better...it was comforting.

One of the items on the list was cleaning out the dresser drawers of my Grandparents. Yes...I admit...we did not clean out those of Grandpa back in 2007. I was deliberate in my cleaning, saving his "junk" drawer for last. Although I should say, there was no junk within. I loved looking through bunches of old business cards, his notes on the scraps of paper he would always keep handy in his shirt pocket, his dogtags, and this piece of paper that I had never seen before. Evidently, on November 1, 1977 (barely 11 months old) I typed this at my Grandma's Office. Pretty cool find isn't it?

A Year Ago...

My sweet Grandma loved to go to the grocery store and here are some pictures from about a year ago. How cute is she? Check out the one below...in her red crocs...even cuter right?

I remember back in the summers way back in the day when my sister and I would spend the day with Grandma and Grandpa. I have the best memories of Grandpa playing some of our favorite cassettes in the car as we traveled down to Chevy Chase to shop at the Westbard Giant (like George Michael's Faith...because Grandpa thought it was a great album too!!). I remember being in charge of holding the list and checking off the items when they made it into the basket...even as a child...I was all about the lists!!

One of the first things we did after Grandpa passed away was to head to the grocery store...the four of us...Grandma, Mom, Sister and I...getting all kinds of yummy things for a dinner of appetizers. Harris Teeter was our store of choice...we had coffees first and then set out about the store for comfort foods. Last evening we did the same thing...but this time it was just the three of us...getting a dinner of appetizers. We didn't really address the fact that it was just the three of us or the fact that it in a few hours it would be exactly one week when we became only three. There was something nice about roaming the aisles where Grandma roamed pushing the basket. We really, really miss her.

Bubblegum and Lollipops...

As you may know, I love purses. My grandma loved purses too and was a fellow Vera Bradley addict. When we went to say our final goodbye on Sunday, each of us picked one of her Vera purses to use. It felt really nice. My sister used the pretty floral one on the left, my mom used the cute black and white one in the middle, and the adorable one with the bow was the one I took. :) I think she would have really liked that.

When we were little, Grandma always carried two things for my sister and I in her purse...Wrigleys Spearmint Gum and Lollipops. As such, her purses always smelled like Spearmint. I remember asking..."Grandma, can I please have a piece of gum?" "Grandma, can I please have a lollipop?" Most of the time...she would just give us one...totally unprompted.

One night when I was driving home from Casey House I had one of those randmo thoughts. I remembered that she stopped carrying the gum and lollipops in her purse at somepoint in my youth. Then it hit me, it must have been in 1987 when I was 10 years old...when I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It made me fall in love with her all over again.

Room 11 is Empty...

I don't think my Mom, Sister and I will ever forget the kindness and care at Casey House or the first time we sat at the "Great Table" the day we arrived. There was something so comforting about having a table to sit at there since so much of our family life is sitting at that kitchen table. The feel of a strong table that was able to handle some of the most difficult of days. Knowing that we would soon have one less person to sit around the kitchen table, we decided it was time for a new one. We went from five chairs to four in December 2007 and the thought of one less at the table seemed too surreal. I had ordered a new one and four new chairs on March 3...the night we first sat at the "Great Table" at Casey House.

It was peaceful in the end and the road to get there was traveled with strength...my Grandma is and always will be...amazing. Her spirit and spunk brought her to DC from a small town in Vermont. Her spirit and spunk guided her on Friday evening. As I have always written...this is no place for whimps.

Our new table and chairs were delivered on Saturday afternoon...the start of a new begining. It was poetic. Room 11 in Casey House may now be empty but we are not...our hearts are full with memories and a certain calm that comes from knowing that there is one more person out and about in the universe looking over you. It is warm. It is comforting. It is real. And we have a strong, sturdy table to come back too as we move forward.

A Smile and A Wave...

I have been meaning to write about a few things I have observed during this latest chapter of our lives. The one where everyone knows your Room Number and not your name. The one where everyone watches for which rooms become empthy. The one where sometimes you can here someone say, "Well...Room 7 is still here". It is like there is a cohort...of both room inhabitants and thier families. It feels like bizzaro world sometimes but has become like home...sort of.

Even though we are in a hospice facility, I still smile and laugh. Sometimes people look at me like I am weird (I know...I know...people always look at me like I'm weird). I make jokes. That is how Grandma would want me to be. She has a great sense of humor...so why not keep some happy around us. There is no right or wrong in this dance.

Several times as I sat in my car atop the hill of Muncaster Mill Road to turn into Casey House, a car coming in the opposite direction would stop and wave me in...even though they had a green light. It was so profound...they knew where I was going...and took an extra second out of their day to make it easier for me. It happened more than one and it made me feel good each and everytime.

You smile and wave to those you run into on a regular basis. It hit me today while I was there that I missed the family in Room #9...we shared the table one day at lunch time with them. It made me stop and realize that our cohort is growing smaller.

The Things You are Supposed to Say...

We refer to them as the "Hawaii Papers". It is information that my Mom found back in 2007 which explained the process...caring for the dying. These brought great comfort during my Grandpa's last days...even though we didn't know they were his last days. Our intuition more than anything clued us into the process...and my mantra then was to "trust the process." This experience with Grandma is totally different. We know we are in the delicate space which leads to the end. Needless to say, the "Hawaii Papers" have again helped us. This is no place for whimps...authenticity is required.

There is one section of the guide, Preparing to Say Goodbye, that lists the five things a dying person wants to be assured of. The list is as follows:

* Things they were once responsible for will be taken care of.

* The survivors will survive without them.

* All is forgiven.

* Their life had meaning.

* They will be remembered.

It is strange to think that a list of 5 things holds the power of a peaceful passing on to better things. I can also imagine the difficulty and weight of each of these five things being different for everyone. I don't know why I am writing this, maybe it is bringing me comfort. Writing is healthier than eating carbs. We have done the assurances so that Grandma can let go. Thinking about writing helped me to think of what I could say. Writing about all of this in my blog helped me to form what I would say.

I'm sitting in the window box seat here in my Grandma's room at Casey House, my laptop warm, listening to her breath. My family and I are watching a process...and even though it is hard and not what one expects to have to go through...I know we will remember these moments always and be glad that we had them.

Yummy Heirlooms...

Grandma's favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and she used to do the entire meal herself...including pies. My favorites were her fruit salad with whipped cream (our starter)and the stuffing. Her stuffing is THE BEST...a yummy taste that she has passed on to my Mommy and Sister. I have mentioned before that the only thing I am good for in the kitchen is doing dishes. After my Grandpa passed away we did not have Thanksgiving at home...we went out of town one year and then to a restaurant the next year. We did it mostly because we knew it would be hard for Grandma without her taster to test the stuffing. So, we just avoided the situation.

This year, we all felt ready to have Thanksgiving at home where Grandma both supervised and participated. My sister caught some great pictures too...I am so glad. This one is of her tasting the stuffing as the inital ingredients take shape in the pan. Note the Vera Bradley apron...we each had one for the holiday. She did lots to help in preparing the meal including making the fruit salad. I had the pleasure of sitting with her at the kitchen table cutting up various fruits, the two of us working together. We have been so lucky...to spend each and every day together. Not many have the amazing experience of having your grandparents care for you and then you are able to then care for them. As my Grandpa always said, he discovered the fountain of youth. Grandchildren.

Love in the Room...

It is hard to believe that it has been a week since Grandma arrived at Casey House...in keeping with my previous blogs...hospice is no place for whimps either. It is still surreal being here, especially since I looked into volunteering here back in 2002. I then got busy with my MBA and it kind of fell off of my radar...and now here we are. I don't know that any of this has fully registered with me. It is so quiet. It is peaceful. It has become like our home. Her room is the place we circle around...rather than the kitchen table at home.

This picture of Grandma was from around her birthday in 2009...cute right? It was one of those random moments when we were sitting around in our "home office" chilling...waiting to leave for dinner. We were headed to Grandma's favorite restaurant...the cabin in the woods...Tower Oaks Lodge. It is one of my favorite pictures because it has such a warm "homey" feeling with pictures of our family in the background. Even though we are a small unit, we are surrounded with love. It seeps in and around us...especially in this room. At somepoint we are going to be smaller, but I don't think we have any less love.

Bear Claw Fan...

There are so many things that I could be blogging about...this span of time that we are in. I just don't feel up to it, but believe me, I'm scribbling notes in a journal that I have been keeping over the past few months. I have always marveled at the idea of hospice and palliative care. To see it before my eyes makes it all the more amazing and beautiful.

Speaking of beautiful, check out this cute picture of Grandma from November. We had the day to ourselves...which began at the kitchen table where I had surprised her with her favorite pastry treat...a bear claw!! Also, note the cute Vera Bradley scarf she is wearing...ahem...adorable right? One of my favorite stories that Grandma used to tell was about breakfast during one of countless weekends that I spent over at Grandma and Grandpa's House. If I could, I would seriously worm my way into it each weekend. I liked to weekend in Chevy Chase apparently. ;) Mainly, I just loved spending time with them...and they fed me well...and they let me stay up past my bedtime.

The breakfast tradition when I would spend the night entailed Grandpa and I going to the Westbard Giant to get doughnuts while my Grandma made the rest of breakfast at home. It makes me smile just to think about it. One morning, after Grandma placed my plate of scrambled eggs in front of me I said, "I like your eggs Grandma, they are not brown like Mom's." Can you imagine? (Sorry Mom...you make amazingly fluffy yellow eggs now...they were brown because you had two little kiddos and a crazy dog yapping at your heels.)

In these times, I'm thinking about all of things from before and not about the fact that where will be an after.

Retail Therapy...Vera Girl Quick Trip

As if knowing that a shopping trip was much needed...one of my Vera Girls (M) sent an email yesterday seeing if anyone wanted to meet at Tiara for a little lunch time Vera Shopping. Heck Yes!!! I spent some nice quality time with Grandma this morning, by myself. It was really just what I needed. I need to update on where things stand on that front...but I am not ready. Given the tough past few days, weeks, months...we were in need of some good shopping and good friends. One of the four Vera Girls could not join us due to a work emergency...but we did her really proud.

I went a bit crazy...but in fairness...most of the things I bought have just been retired so I got them for 40% off. So, I actually saved money...right??

Here is my list...

* Purple Punch Side by Side
* Purple Punch Euro Wallet
* Sittin in a Tree Ditty Bag
* Sittin in a Tree Large Cosmetic
* Sittin in a Tree Medium Cosmetic
* Pink Twirly Bird Shopping Tote
* Folkloric Sugar and Spice Crossbody (pictured...OMG...I am in love!!!)
* Blue Lagoon Flip Flops (ahem...already had purchased Folkloric and Lemon Parfait)
* Sitting in a Tree Journal
* Folkoric Jumbo Binder Clips
* Folkloric Let Me Check (cutest book of to do lists ever)
* Folkloric Pocket Pals (cutest set of tiny notebooks ever)
* Hello Dahlia Keepin it Together (Binder and Spiral Notebook)

Umm...and a pair of Brighton earrings too. Ahem...retail therapy....

Two Months...

Two months ago...everything was different. We had come back from Christmas in Annapolis after having an amazing time. This is a picture from Pusser's the morning we left. Our sweet girl was able to get around with a walker around the house, only using the wheel chair for the long distances. Doesn't she look cute in her Lily Pulitzer? My Mommy got her this for Christmas...if you could see them...she was rocking a cute pair of Coach Sneakers. The day after this picture was taken...at 11:15pm...she had a significant stroke. Since then...we have been on a rollercoaster...which most of the time is really like a game of Chutes and Ladders...a constant up and down. We are taking it as it comes...but our sweet girl is tired...and our goal is just to keep her comfortable.