Rabbits Rabbits Everywhere...

Maybe this happens to everyone...but I swear the same rabbit follows me everywhere I go...there is a bunny who always gives me the side eye in my backyard...and there is one when I am in Cape May.  I swear...the bunny found me when I was in San Diego.  Or maybe it is just because I am paying more attention that I seem to notice them.  Either way...rabbit sightings have become a thing.  So I knew a few months back when I saw that a new pub like place was opening called White Rabbit Gastropub I was going to have to make my way there.  Sometimes...you just have a feeling. 

You can learn a lot about a place when you are out and about on your own.  There are lots of things that go into the evaluation of whether or not you will go back again...the beer selection is important...the vibe of the place...the music playing...but above all else...it is about the people.  In the spirit of doing the things I want to do, regardless of whether or not I have someone to do them with, I have become quite comfortable walking into places on my own.  It gets easier and I do find that there are a few things make it less traumatic for my introverted self....so I am not always the strange girl at the bar scribbling into her notebook.  Talking about music, soccer, and/or beer are ways that I do actually initiate conversations...but it does take people around you who aim to be inclusive. 

Such was the case on my solo beer adventure this past Tuesday to White Rabbit Gastropub...after finally finding the rabbit hole...I was instantly at home.  I found my way to the second level bar...picked a stool...and had a fun night of good beer and conversation.  I was instantly pulled into the chatter happening around the bar and never once felt awkward or out of place.  It was all so easy...and clear that you find the places that you are meant to find.  Plus, they let me keep a pen...so you know...since I love to write...this was a thing.  

I'm going to keep following my hunches and enjoy the rabbit holes I decide to wander down...I'm definitely on the road to somewhere...and for once...I'm not going to rush...I'm just going to enjoy the breadcrumbs that are leading me forward to the things that matter.

The Things That Matter...

I believe in signs and omens...I believe that you are not handed anything that you can't handle...I believe that you should trust the process...I believe that you should do what you love...I believe that I needed a good swift kick to remember all of these things.  We all have moments when you feel a little bit lost...but the key is not to dwell there to long.  You have to remember the things that matter.  The things that matter to you...and then all else will work its way out.  I know the things that matter to me...my family...love in my heart and soul...writing...music...soccer...beer...walking for miles...staring at trees and/or water...dates with Gym...and travel.  These are the things I need to consume myself with...not my job.  My job is the thing that allows me to enjoy all the things that matter.  I had briefly forgotten.

I was watching my favorite local band (19th Street Band) talk about and then sing their song

"The Things That Matter" and it hit me...I'm not really doing all of the things that matter to me.  It took some time to work it through...many scribbles in my journal...a few beers...some music...random epiphany inspiring conversations at my local watering hole...then a decision to put all fears aside...and just do all the things.  So, I am.  I'm going to make time for all the things...and in doing so...I'll have endless fodder for the one thing I love to do the most...write. 

Beer:  Off the Rook - RAR

Music:  I Want to Be Here - Neko Case (Case/Lang/Veirs)

Just be...

I always look to the trees for answers...I used to just look to my tree...the one that has watched me grow since I was eight.  The thing is, there are trees everywhere and each is worthy of answer seeking.  You can't be afraid to switch things up. Look for different trees.  Change your perspective.  Let the energy move you. Trust it.  Flow with it.  Grow with it.  What you need. What you want.  What you have.  Where you need to be.  You shall be... 

In that sacred space...

No matter how many years pass, in a split second, you can get pulled back into that space.  Sometimes you go willingly...you spur it on with a song or going to places once visited.  Sometimes you find it on the wind while watching the sunrise.  Sometimes you are sitting in a pub, watching soccer, and you overhear a conversation between siblings about their parent.  How to manage their care.  How to rearrange the furniture.  How to convert the downstairs bathroom to include railings.  How to add an extra railing in the stairwell.  How to add a ramp to the garage steps.  It all came rushing back during the time of year where it all still lingers.

Something happens in this space of time from late November until mid March...there is this thing that travels overhead and settles around.  Every year I think I am strong enough to not let it weigh into my being.  It is this sacred space that I shared with my Mom and Sister when we were caring for someone who was dying.  There was no time for wallowing.  There was no time for regret.  There was only time to be fully present and ready for whatever the next moment brought.  It was hard.  It was scary.  It was not without tears.  It was beautiful.

There was a moment last night when I stood by the water and I could feel it all.  The ebb and flow of everything.  The energy.  The sky was strewn with color.  Everyone we needed was around.  We toast.  We live.  We love.

What are your life bullet points...??

Prepare to be offended...or not.  There is no sense in sugar coating what you believe.  I spend a lot of time thinking about words.  What to say.  What not to say.  What to write.  What medium to write in.  I enjoy the swirling of words.  I love when they fall into place.  Great things happen when they fall into place and then you share them.  Sometimes it takes a long time.  Sometimes it doesn't.

I think words on lists are my most favorite.  Who doesn't love succinct bullet points to really get to the point?  Over the course of many years...I have developed many lists.  Things to do.  Things to buy.  Experiences to be had.  Moments to Capture.  Believe me, I know that the most fun in life comes from ignoring lists and allowing yourself to "just be".  But, there is comfort in writing things down, in case you want to remember or need a reference point.  Sometimes it helps to have a bit of documentation to help make both important and seemingly unimportant decisions.  Guideposts.

I have list of tenets that I have thought about for many years...and I finally took time to write them down.  My life bullet points.  How I choose to be.  It is a short list.  But a good one I think...good for me...and I guess that is all that matters.

Cape May Musing...

Early Morning.  Thunderstorms Rolling.  Windows Open.  Oceans Churning.  Raindrops Falling.  World Turning.

Pen and Paper.  Everything I need.  Just listening to the ocean.  I always wanted a simple kind of life.

A long line made up of spectacular tiny moments of pure joy.  Those split seconds where your heart is so happy.  They are real.  They carry you through.

The more you let the feeling in the more these moments string together.

It is when you stop counting that you realize every second is that moment.

                                                                                        - Cape May -
                                                                                         July 27, 2015